That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
