Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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