She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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