Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
