I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
