what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
