You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
