This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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