There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
