ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
