So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
