So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
