it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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