He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
