how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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