Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ketchup is God's man juice
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
