i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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