He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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