Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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