so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
