When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
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these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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