guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
