love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
