Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
