I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
