dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
