vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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