Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
