It's Friday. Sex?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
