a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
