ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize