Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
