also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
