That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm always down for nudity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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