Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
