If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
