you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
