You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
