planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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