Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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