we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
