Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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