i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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