The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
