I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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