Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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