literally had 100 drinks last night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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