my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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