Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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