i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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