this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
