Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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