i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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