u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
