The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
