and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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