Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
