Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
