There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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