i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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