I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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