Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
