I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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