My balls are so social today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
