U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
