dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
