dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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