So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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