Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
