Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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