Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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