sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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