the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
