I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
