If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
