literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
