whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
