i jhust puked up my retainher.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
