she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
