I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
