so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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