My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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